I took my first dance class when I was about 5 or 6. It was a ballet class at the city recreation center. My mom tells me that I wanted to take the class so badly that I did an enormous amount of chores around the house to save up enough money to take the summer class. I remember buying my first pair of ballet shoes. It was magical. I showed up to class and the first thing I learned was that I was not the most flexible. But that is okay, I learned cool tricks like how to do a spin without even moving your feet. I remember teaching that trick to my next door neighbor friend.
As the summer progressed we worked toward the big recital at the end of the semester. But as the recital came closer, I found out that it was going to take place on Sunday. Growing up in a very Christian family, I wasn't sure if that was an okay thing to do on Sunday or not. I felt guilty every time I thought of it. So in the end, I made the decision to skip out on the recital.
As I have grown older, I have always regretted that decision. I wish I would have stuck with dance. It would have made it easier for me at this point in my life to jump up and dance. I missed out on so many years of building flexibility and gaining confidence in myself. But dance is something that runs deeply through my veins. I was destined to return to it one day. That day came when I joined the color guard in the marching band in high school. I learned to dance and twirl flags, sabers, rifles, et cetera. I got good at it too. One year, at separate parts of the show, I had a solo, a duet, and a trio. Performing was by far the brightest part of those years.
When I joined college, I was thrilled to be able to take whatever class I wanted all the time! Obviously I filled my schedule with plenty of dance. However, I was still afraid and intimidated by all those dancers who were better than me. I tried to convince myself that following my brain through intellectualism of Biology was more important than following my heart through the passion of dance. All through my college years, those two sides of me fought vigorously. To become a dancer or a doctor; that was the question. That question was the battle I fought all throughout college. Was my heart or my brain more important?
Upon graduating, several things happened. I needed a new job (because I could no longer have my student job) and one fell into my hands in a small office as a medical assistant. Then I needed to get out of my parent's house, so I found an apartment and moved out.. Following this, I got engaged and planned an entire wedding within about two months. And of course the two of us wanted to enjoy every moment of the summer together. All of this took time and by August, I still found myself pushing away that passionate/dance side of me because I couldn't find the time for it. Besides choreographing a line dance for my bouquet toss song with my bridesmaids, I had barely danced at all this year. I definitely had been pushing off my New Year's goal to create a YouTube channel for dance choreography.
When the heart spoke loudly enough, I could only ignore it so long. I finally began trying to make plans in my journal for how I can make dance a bigger part of my life. That led me to finally led me to this piece: My Treasure: An Improvisation in the Woods.
This dance is only the beginning for me of bringing dance back into my life so much more fully. I wish to use this blog to tell the stories of the dance to the world. This dance was an improvisation. I started going on a walk in the woods close to my apartment. The woods were absolutely stunning to me at this time. (Honestly, I had heard there is a rope-swing in the woods, so I was trying to find it, but on this particular day, I was unsuccessful). I found a few great areas to film and I pushed play on my Pandora playlist and recorded whatever movements came to me at the time. Many parts really weren't coherent at all and much of the editing process was splicing out to leave the best takes of that afternoon.
To me, this dance is a representation of what your heart should be seeking after. The lyrics (sung by me with acoustics by bensounds.com-- a great royalty free music website) talk about searching for the treasure. At the end of the second musical part, the lyrics end by asking "when I find my treasure, will it change who I am?" In this case, yes. Throughout the whole two first scenes in and on the fallen and living trees, I portray a wholly unhuman-like character. People just don't move like that; with pulsating drives and insatiable searching for... something. I'm not even sure this character knew exactly what her treasure that she was searching for was. But she kept wandering and searching regardless, completely unhappy with the current state she was living in.
Eventually she finds her treasure, portrayed by my Mizpah necklace (a wedding present from Sydney... Thanks!!). She finds it. She explores it. Eventually it becomes a part of her. And she never moves the same again after that point. She stretches her legs and stands erect for the first time. Suddenly, her movements take on a lighter and more playful quality. She spins and swirls and takes on more liquid movements. She gains pride and forgets the environment around her increasingly. Before, she was constantly searching through the earth and paying attention to every leaf, branch, and grass bush around her. But after she found her treasure, she stepped on and didn't look back to her mother Earth. This is represented by the prideful walk off the stage and the end and how she knocks the flower bush without even noticing. As she walks away, the flowers keep on swaying.
There is no conclusion made in this film. Is she better before or after she found her treasure? Is searching or finding better? Is the journey or the destination more important? When was she most satisfied with her life? When did she have the most joy? Was that joy real? These are all questions that are very variable based on the individual. We have to each decide for ourselves what type of life creates meaning and purpose for us individually.
